The Existential Void That Must Be Met

It has been a while since I posted here. But finally I think I have something worth saying. Or watching.
This video is about the pain of awakening and why it must be faced if we are to experience freedom and peace. I hope you will watch it, it is short and will only take  8 minutes of your valuable time. But if you have EVER felt existential anxiety or wondered if there is something wrong with you, watch this.

Here is some of the text:

Once you have had a glimpse of the program that dictates individual and collective behavior there is no going back and it becomes an ever deepening journey down the rabbit hole.

Everywhere you go you begin to see it in other people and feel it in yourself and it gets crazier and crazier.

And its not always easy or good. 

There is a dark and difficult side to awakening, you begin to see the shadow and the negative side of people and yourself, and where it plays out unconsciously, where it ends up when you see yourself and other people.

It hurts, it hurts, because you see how unconscious so much of all this is, how patterned it is, how created and unconscious people are, and how unconscious you are. 

And you begin to realize that you’ve been asleep all the time from being an infant when there may have been some awakeness with no awareness, and now you start to see that your belief system and thoughts that you thought were yours, that you didn’t question in any way were all programmed into you. 

It hurts, it really hurts, and sometimes it may bring up panic because your world feels like it’s falling apart.

You become ‘an outsider, and what used to work no longer works. And all you feel is discomfort. Thats when you just keep going.

And you might become plunged into an existential black hole, wondering what has any meaning, and what is real and not real?

And that’s the job and the task, to dive into that hole willingly because one sees that there might be something in that hole that is so frightening. there might be something on the other side.

There might be some freedom in diving through.

And it’s up to you, and me, to find out for ourselves what it is. 

No one can tell you, you have to find it for yourself. None of the spiritual teachers or gurus or guides or artists or visionaries or shamans or sages. No one. They can point to it and tell you  about how it is on the other side, but it’s your hole, made for you by divine intelligence, and it your journey to go through it, or not, and see what happens.

The void is there for each of us. Keep going, keep on going and explore. Be bold and be brave and push on through to the other side. 

This is the time to become the adventurer you really are, to become the pioneer and explorer. Only this time the explorer turns inwards.

Free Your Mind And Your Life Will Follow

It doesn’t matter how you do it. It could be through silent meditation, through cathartic releasing of body armouring, it could be through a near death experience or just grace. It could be through psychedelics or plant medicine. It could be through spending time outside the system, finding a wild shamanic group that offers a path to ‘the old ways,’ through story telling and ceremonies.

It doesn’t matter how it happens but it does matter that it happens.

What is it?

Freeing your mind.

I can honestly count the number of people I have met on my travels who appear to have achieved this great accolade, on the fingers of one hand. I’m not even sure, much of the time, whether I am one of them. But I see the goal, I can see how it looks and I make it my every day intention.

To me it is the only thing that matters.

The whole purpose of incarnating is to find out who, or what, is incarnating.
The entire purpose of this exercise called ‘life’ is to see if it is possible to retain, or discover, the pristine seeing of conscious awareness while in a body/mind system that is a ‘perceiving machine.’
Perception and belief is so convincing that it would have us believe it is all there is. The deception is incredibly convincing, so much so that it has the majority of people in its grasp.

I know to most people its not important. But to me a world lived from this kind of freedom is beautiful and remarkable, in many ways.
It somehow seems to ‘re-engineeer‘ us and we become as new beings. It creates a wholeness, a depth, a natural wisdom and an inconceivable ability to see inside both the individual human and the society at large. It makes us more intelligent, intuitive, compassionate, caring and authentic. We act from this integrity and it has a profound impact on our life and the lives of everyone we touch.

Or, as Morpheus says in The Matrix, You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.’

Free your mind and your life will follow a new path.

Thanks for reading!

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Social Media Addiction Faced – Detox The Only Answer

My eyes have fully opened recently to the extent of addiction in myself and society generally. Of course addiction is a problem for most societies, but usually the addiction only holds a small minority captive. This time, however, it appears to have the majority of society held by the addictive mechanism and pretty much completely unaware of.

What is it? Yup, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – It’s called Social Media only it’s not very social.

check-facebookIt’s a revolution folks, a revolution of the way we react and interact. In the last 10 years the way we do EVERYTHING has changed fundamentally, and that means we have had no real time to adjust either mentally or, more to the point, emotionally. The tsunami of social media interaction has begun to define our lives. And short of a total meltdown of the internet or a collapse of society, the tsunami has only just begun.

Statistics reveal that cell phone use and web use generally increased enormously from 2014. Check this to see what Im talking about!
http://www.internetlivestats.com/watch/internet-users/

Some statistics: Around 40% of the world population has an internet connection today. In 1995, it was less than 1%.
The number of internet users has increased tenfold from 1999 to 2013.
The first billion was reached in 2005. The second billion in 2010. The third billion in 2014.

facebook-addictBut the statistics are one thing. The anecdotal, visual evidence, is more distressing and alarming.

Look around at your friends, your kids, maybe even your parents, look in the malls, or on public transport, and then take a deep and honest look inside yourself and see if you are really any different from any of them. ADDICTION IS NOT ON AND OFF. It’s not a switch that is either up, meaning not addicted, or down, meaning addicted. Oh no. Addiction is all about degrees and measures. Addiction is wrapped up with necessity and habit, with social conditioning and deeply held human issues rooted in our ancestral dna, and stuff about the herd mentality and ancient tribal behaviour demanded by sheer survival.

Check whether this list includes anything you do.
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/facebook-addiction-signs/

Almost everyone is addicted to something, even if its just in some small way. It may be subtle, or it may be all consuming, but its there. It may not interfere with healthy functioning, but its there, and its something that pulls at us if we don’t do it habitually. It may not be that destructive to our life, well being, relationships, work and so on but there it is.

WISDOM AND ADDICTION ARE LIKE OIL AND WATER.

I think the sooner we recognise that addictive impulse in ourselves and where it lives, in what dark corner it hides, and, most importantly, what purpose is it serving, the more we can understand ourselves and transcend the torment of our addictions. Because the nature of addiction is unconscious and denied. And it ALWAYS serves a purpose, always it offers us the carrot of salvation from our suffering. It always offers us love. But addiction itself is a highly powerful force. Even more than the object of ones addiction is the ADDICTION. It is a mechanism, a highly powerful shadowy mechanism that thrives on darkness and fear.

Because addiction is so closely linked to our basic existential nature it is intertwined with the two base forces of love and fear.

Maybe addiction is the unconscious human answer to separation syndrome. Thats why addiction is essentially a spiritual phenomena.

The answer to addiction is waking up to the truth of who you are. The answer to all addiction is love and inner authority. To overcome addiction, as well as the physical component, one must fall in love with oneself, show up, tell the truth, see where you hide from fear and what you are afraid of, and then chose to love yourself. The answer to addiction is love and connection, but that connection is to yourself and the world.

POWER.

Anything less than your full power released into the world could result in the activation of this addiction mechanism. It may protect you for a while. But it will eat you in the end. It is voracious and hungry.

So let us return to the issue in hand. The modern cultural acceptable addiction. Social media.
Head down, buried in the screen, totally distracted, emotionally dependent on ‘likes’, comments, notifications, increasing friends lists, etc etc we disappear from awareness and presence into the world of the mind through the screen and down the rabbit hole.

We check our phones at least 150 times a day, many of us, so I worked out that on average that means every 6 minutes or so. And it is increasing.

If it affects you, if you keep checking your phone, inbox, social media, even when there is no real reason, then I’m afraid you are in the modern matrix. And the matrix has you.

I know because I have been in the matrix also. I was completely convinced I was acting from real freedom and just exercising my freedoms and really enjoying all my friends and contacts and likes etc. But the truth was that the walls of my prison had changed and got smaller. They built the prison around me while I was distracted by content.

BOILING THE FROG.
6a00d8341c3e6353ef00e551d211f38834-800wiMany of us have been led, innocently, to the pot on the stove and have been boiled, so slowly we have not noticed. These giant social media corporations hire well qualified, highly professional psychologists and marketers to investigate you and me and to work out how to get us to do what they want, willingly and blindly, as though we were free.

They know your habits, your preferences, your likes, dislikes they know how long you do something and they know what you don’t like. Between your phone stats, your Facebook analytics, google and amazon they know you better than you know yourself. You have an online profile that informs social media and they promote and market to accordingly. They feed you what you want, even if you don’t know what you want.

It is that scary. And you don’t even realise, because they have offset their activities with your rewards. Those rewards are (the illusion of) connection, being liked, importance, information, and power.

Don’t buy any of it because its not real.

I quit Facebook and Twitter very recently and I am feeling the effects of the withdrawal. Some parts of life have been rendered meaningless.  Where is the instant gratification of a new like? Where is the surfing new posts to give me some distraction? Where is the relief I get every day, relief from the truth of my own life?

Gone…Facebook shut down and Twitter deactivated. It feels powerful, detoxing and vulnerable….Do it…try it out, inquire, investigate, tell the truth.
And comment here…Its the only place you will find me..

The Matrix has you…..and at some point you have to make a decision..
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Reclaiming Warrior Consciousness

The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.” ~ Carlos Castaneda
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It appeared to have died many years ago. In fact not many ever think about it and thus it is relegated to myths of ancient times, or turned into super hero comics and movies.

What is it?

Warrior consciousness.

It died when we humans got smaller and more submissive. It died when we became so socialised and urbanised that we lost our wildness. There was a trade off in order to live peacefully and collectively, and it was the very thing that gave us freedom and adventure and power. It was the very thing that made us warriors with integrity and honour.

And it was the very thing that enabled us to stand up to tyrants and maniacs.

And when we humans lose integrity, honour, impeccability and wisdom, we lose everything that lifts us up from the swamp of the ego. Without the gifts of the warrior we live like guttersnipes grabbing power and trying desperately to dominate each other. Without honour and authenticity we live in a kind of half light of ego mania where we each try and feed off each other. A living hell realm.

Warrior consciousness is what lifts us towards the divine and out of the gutter.
And the loss of our warrior like discipline and discernment has led to a submissiveness that has consequently allowed petty tyrants and despots to rule us and dominate us.

And we need to reclaim our warrior consciousness. Now.

How?

I have spent time with a shaman I knew during the 90s. To some extent he trained me. He ran a tribe doing ceremonies, sweat lodges, authentic being, talking circles, offerings, poetry of the heart, musical wildness and feasting – he still does I think. I went through a deep transformational 2 years with him, seeking power in dark places, caves, mountain tops and in sweat lodges and fire ceremonies. I got injured, torn open, humbled, at times humiliated, adored and applauded for my bravery and authenticity.
dsc02299It was a devastatingly heart opening, defence shattering experience that allowed me to see and experience what Castenada is talking about in the quote at the start of this blog.
At first I was just the same old guy doing lots of weird ceremonies, but after two years I had developed eloquence, respect, authenticity, even some impeccability and honour. I thought and felt poetically and a passion arose in my very being, a passion for truth and love, a warrior like passion that has never turned off.

And then I discovered a love I had never had before, with my wife Amoda Maa. This love burned up all vestiges of arrogance or hiding and resolved everything that stood in the way of intimacy and authentic relating.

And then I discovered self inquiry, the form of spiritual investigation to seek what is true above and beyond all relative beliefs and thoughts. This inquiry allowed me to begin to rest in absolute consciousness and allow the drama of life to play on without me.

So the answer, to me, when asked how to develop this warrior-like truth and impeccability, is:
a. Willingness to be stripped of what is false within you.
b. A desire for truth that burns in your heart.
c. An acknowledgement that things are not working as they are.

If those three things align then you are ready. You need to find someone, somewhere, a group, tribe, workshop, book, teacher, shaman, who you are drawn to, one that makes you feel excited and scared, and you need to dive in head first and get carried by the wave. Don’t get into hero worship and always remember what you are there for.

You are there to learn about yourself. You are seeking your warrior nature, your truth, impeccability and authenticity. It doesn’t have to take lifetimes, and it doesn’t have to be this mystery that many elevated spiritual teachers talk of. Don’t get fooled by too much of this ‘enlightenment’ business.

Keep it simple. Be committed to stripping away what is false and fake within you, and harmony and truth will arise naturally. Follow the signs, they will be everywhere, and when you learn how to read them they will be even clearer.

And then the journey of your life will get very cool and very interesting. When we are stuck in normal mindset it is very boring, and very linear. We are shut off from the intelligence of nature and life itself. We are, in effect, alone. When you begin to develop as a warrior this barrier begins to dissolve and the world awakens! It was always there but you were asleep to it.

And then you become the warrior Castaneda talks about.

The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.” ~ Carlos Castaneda

Thanks for reading, good luck out there.
Kavi in Hat copy

 

The Global Body Awakens

Even in the face of all this hate and fear
We must remain open
As we protest and campaign we must stay as love
And not be drawn into the old ways
Of judgement and finger pointing
If there is a change happening
In the very heart and soul of man and woman
If there is something new growing within us
We must stay healthy and well meaning and not become hate

As the body grows new cells
Those cells can be healthy or toxic

To truly fight the disease
A cell must be well adjusted and vibrant
It must be fully alive and full of light

A hate filled cell will only produce more disease
Let our teachers be our own bodies
Our own cells

This is the time of embodiment

In this time of decay and cancer
When the global body is full of disease
You, and I, and our bodies, our minds, our emotions
Matter more than we imagine
Each one of us plays their part
And that part can be
Played with goodness at their core
Or hate in their heart

Only one will lead to transformation.
It is time to choose the path
And commit to either one way or the other.

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One mind…..7 billion variations

The Problem, as my old Chinese Doctor said, is your MIND
So my beloved has fled to Stockholm to do Satsang for the weekend and I am here in this mess, with a still wracked body and now just pulled a muscle or twitched a nerve in my shoulder.
Not particularly inspired by anything…BUT wait a minute!
Aren’t we making the move of our lives in just two weeks time!=?
(We are going to the US for a while)
Yup.
Why am I not super duper excited?
Because I no longer seem to get super duper excited.

Life offers things, they arrive, they disappear, and it is an endless cycle of appearance and disappearance.

It’s been a heck of a year and has beaten me in many ways…and that beating has actually softened me so much I am like dough that wont shape to bread.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, far from it. I’m actually somewhat ecstatic in a still kind of way. But not excited.

I became weary of mind.

That’s what actually has happened this year. Weary of the stories, the fears, the games, the excuses, the projections, did I say the fears? The endlessness of mind chatter until we croak.

And I got utterly bored because this year I got to see it in full display, freaking me out, warning about this and that, constantly updating me on the latest threat to me, humanity, anything…We don’t need terrorism when we have our own unscrutinised minds…

And it didn’t help at all..It only brought suffering, body problems and exhaustion.
And I saw that my mind is your mind, is everyone’s mind. Mind is non specific, non personal.

Our personal experiences make it seem unique, but thats an error of perception.
There is only one mind with 7 billion variations. On and on and on it goes, ‘protect and survive, threat and attack…must be careful…danger, danger,
danger…judgement…projection…righteousness….’ yada yada yada chatters the mind..

And I got bored listening, to myself and others. That getting bored and seeing the endlessness of the chatter was the greatest blessing. It meant I stopped listening.
And when I get drawn to listen and take it seriously, I am hauled back into the Matrix world of personal suffering…and ooh! I quickly remember and run out of the prison…

I don’t buy it…I’m done with the mind…Great tool, unfathomable talent and skill, astonishing servant of something greater…But believe all it says at your peril…It will lock you up, throw away the key, and tell you it’s for your own good…And you might believe it..
I feel better already.
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Why Your Transformation Matters So Much

Why Your Transformation Matters So Much.

We need to reach a place of such authority through our collective consciousness and awakened action that somehow (and I have no idea how) we actually render Politics and politicians redundant and inept.

While our consciousness is still in the grip of the mainstream system, politicians and manipulators, we have no power.

If we fight it, it wins. It’s like fighting your own ego, you can never win.
We feed it by fighting it. it’s an entity that thrives on fear and attention.

We all know that by now.

And yet centuries of habituation and conditioning have convinced us that we can only find freedom and choice within the system, within the prison.
It doesn’t look like that is the truth.

A man who fights for his freedom while he is prison may find some relative freedom of movement and choice, but the freedom is not his and not total. He is still in a prison, albeit a lenient one. This freedom can be denied him at any time.

So how to collapse the prison entirely and live from total freedom?

My feeling is we don’t know, but all we can do is find this place in ourselves, and through that very activity and transformation something new happens and the threads and shoots of a new way, a new paradigm, begin to form ON THEIR OWN, through natural evolutionary movement.
They are already there, and some of us feel them and see them.

We don’t have to sort out every problem of transition from the Age of Self to the Age of Selflessness, we just have to play our part and render ourselves free.

A cell doesn’t know how a body grows and works. It plays its part fully by being who it is and contributing fully of itself in its own unique way.

Thats all we have. Our own lives as they are now, here, our own consciousness, relationships, work, creativity, health, they are the things that will allow the new age to gather momentum.

Thats why, when someone talks to me of feeling powerless, useless and lost, or they say ‘what can I do?’ I say,
It begins with you. You are at the centre of it. You are not some added extra. You are primary to the change and it matters more then you could every imagine.’
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The Terror Meme That Keeps Us Imprisoned – And How to Collapse It

THE VEIL OF ILLUSION IS THIN.
It is thinner than ever, and fragmenting with an ever increasing momentum.
At times terrifying, bewildering, confusing and enraging, it is part of a necessary disintegration of the false.
As the personal spiritual journey of enlightenment necessitates the disintegration of the illusory self, so the global journey of collective enlightenment demands the same.
It brings the same fears for survival, the same trepidation about the future, and all the ‘what ifs and buts’ that the personal journey involves.
Great!
Ride the Great Wave of Collective Enlightenment.
The veil is hopelessly thin, don’t buy the fear, it’s not real.

The personal journey of enlightened liberation can be quite terrifying. It threatens the small self and everything it stands for and holds onto. It threatens annihilation and will do anything it can to prevent it. That means anything, particularly bring about the fear that blocks it’s own destruction. This fear may manifest as thoughts and beliefs, convincing but deluded. As long as you stop the resolute pursuit of enlightenment it really doesn’t matter.
And even when you decide you are not going to take any notice of fear and and trepidation, there is no guarantee it will happen.
Thats down to grace.
But doing it anyway keeps the door of possibility open.

The global journey of collective enlightenment is going to be terrifying because its going to seem even more out of our control.
Human beings are all about control. We want control, we need control, over something. It’s hard enough when we feel we don’t have control over our own lives.
But when its collective, national, global, then its unspeakably insane in its terror.

The Terror Meme.

Its no wonder we call what is happening ‘terrorism.’ It is the perfect word to keep us all in ‘lock down.’
Terror is almost the hardest feeling to break through. It blocks almost every possibility of love, connectivity, sharing, and love.
Terror is felt in the blood and the bones. It is the height of panic. It is the most isolating feeling there is.
Terror is dense, like treacle. Terror is the prison that keeps us paralysed and in panic consciousness.

Consider this. Terror is the violent meme our modern world has. To my knowledge, it is a word that has only really come into existence since 2001, since that fateful day 9/11. Since then this dreadful word, and all it symbolises and suggests, has been used over and over and over until now it is part of everyday consciousness. If words have power, and we know they do, them this one word has enormous power.
Just for one moment, consider that there was a power that wanted to maintain its control of people. And they saw that collective enlightenment would mean an end to that control. They would do anything possible to prevent this. And they found the most effective way to lock humanity into fear, survival consciousness and separation. And they introduced ‘terror’ and affirmed it as often as necessary to imprint it on public consciousness.
Do you think they would use it?

Unknown-2Now I am not one for global conspiracy, well maybe a bit, but when I really looked into this word, and I explored just how serious it is to a human being, how it brings these feelings of powerlessness and panic, I was actually shocked, as I am now.
Terror is the prison in which modern men and women are caged.
Terror works like a demonic spell cast over its victim. It renders the terrorised inert and incapable of love. It takes everything away, it destroys compassion and gratitude and awareness.
When terror courses through your body it is a visceral experience. It is the height of ‘the fight or flight’ mechanism, but beyond it. We are frozen with terror.
It is the perfect weapon.

Now whether you see this meme as a conscious attempt to imprison humanity, or you see it as an unconscious series of events called history unfolding doesn’t really make any difference. Why?
Because we are still faced with the same questions, individually and collectively.
It is not whether conspiracy is fact or fiction, what matters is that these things are here, and need dealing with.

What are we, you and I, going to do about our enlightenment? Are we going to shrink back in terror and retreat to our prison where we sort of, kind of, feel safe-isa? And then hope everything will be alright?
Or are we going to choose to dissolve all illusions, pierce the veil of falsehood, lies and fear and consciously choose ego annihilation over and over again, until something opens forever?

You cannot be in terror and love at the same time.
You cannot be in peace and enlightenment at the same time as terror is flooding the body with adrenaline or cortisol.
It is impossible.

This terror needs to be met, like Neo from the Matrix meets the bullets fired from the three agents. All he said was ‘No,’ as he realised who and what he really was. It was an inner authority that enabled him to see the bullets as not real.
So it is with us when we are faced with such ideas as ‘terror.’
The_Matrix_Bullet_HaltThe answer is ‘No More, Enough.’

The answer is I, and we, rest as the god consciousness we truly are and we see the illusion for what it really is, an illusion built on erroneous belief in separation.
That is how we collapse the matrix.
Onwards, hold true to love and transcend fear and all ideas of terror. Flood your cells with love, gratitude and joy. It is the only way forward.

Thanks for reading! Please share.

Exercise Caution When Thinking – You Do Not Know Whose Thoughts They Are

Humans are very good at many things. And one of them is…

THINKING!

XdT48L7ieThe trouble with thinking is we tend to believe everything that goes on ‘upstairs’ and we take it all seriously. In fact we take it so seriously we imagine it is us thinking.
That one identification is probably the greatest cause of suffering, war and angst humanity suffers from.
And here is the thing…

IT IS NOT THE TRUTH!

Most psychologists, spiritual teachers and searchers, and a huge swathe of people who pursue ‘awareness’ understand that much of what we think has actually been put there, consciously or unconsciously, during our most formative years as impressionable and innocent children.
We have hundreds of hours of other people’s voices, like tape loops, running through our minds, day in day out. It is enough to drive you crazy, and for some it does.

Add to that the fact that most thinking happens ‘below the surface’ of consciousness and doesn’t make it to conscious thought and it becomes an almost nightmare scenario in the making if those thoughts happen to be destructive, hateful, vengeful or negative.

What I’m pointing to here is the suggestion that our thinking cannot be relied upon as the measure of truth. It is not a reliable witness, because it has too much investment.

So if our mind is not reliable, what can we do to find truth and freedom?

iStock_000016297924XSmallDo not trust everything you think. Practice awareness of all thoughts. Particularly the ones that scream the most. The ones that really have an agenda of righteousness about them, those ones that assert themselves as beyond question are the really dangerous ones. Not the one’s that don’t matter, but the big self protecting justified ones that promote themselves as ‘obvious,’ they are the ones we need to watch.

Discernment on the path, developing the meditative approach, and watching just how hot and passionate the thoughts get when they think they are cornered, they are the ways to create some space between you and your thoughts.

And remember, you cannot possibly stop them coming and going. If you are doing any sort of practice that says you can, or should, try and stop your thoughts, stop it now.

YOU CANNOT STOP YOUR THOUGHTS.

To try is like standing in front of a train and holding it back. It is pointless.

Sea and SunriseBetter view thoughts, your thoughts, as waves that rise and fall in the ocean of your awareness. They come and go of their own accord. Some are helpful and beneficial, some are turbulent and chaotic, and some are even dangerous.

But each returns from whence it came.

So please, exercise great caution when doing this seemingly innocent practice of thinking, it is not so innocent as it appears. Most of the world’s problems are caused by thinking…consider that for a moment..

Thanks for reading! Please share this blog post if it moves you, on wordpress or Facebook or other social media..

Kavi in The Old Town