An Existential Crisis Is A Gift

The truth is that if you had not already had an existential crisis or two in your life by now, you are either very young, in denial, or missing something. Maybe you HAVE had such a crisis but you have never identified it as such, or you have been afraid it will crush you, or you have never been shown the teaching and wisdom to be gained by embracing it.

Maybe you have never had a powerful CONTEXT for such an experience.

Because, in my observations and inquiries, I would say almost everyone has had at least one moment where they have been thunderstruck by the enormity of the universe, or overwhelmed by the sheer mystery of life, or been utterly disillusioned by existence itself in the face of death and suffering.

It doesn’t have to be all spiritual to be real, deep and painful.

Life is utterly bewildering. Awareness, the fact that we can think and be aware of thinking, is itself an exquisite miracle. The magnificence of manifestation as a personality who can effectively (mostly!) communicate with other beings, who can create things and who has self awareness is maddeningly amazing. 

But the counterpart to that, the shadow of that, the dark side of that, is the wondering what on earth it all means, and what happens to us on either side of life?

As you move through this linear experience of life and ‘get older’ you begin to see how short our time here is. It is over in a flash. And as the years roll by there are times when life itself is perplexing, when the point of it is mysterious, when deep existential and spiritual questions demand answers. Or acceptance in the face of ‘no answers.

But we must look. You and I who are devoted to life’s truth and death must ask these deepest of questions, even if they mean we must face despair and disillusionment. We must not turn away from the dark side, from the shadow, from ‘difficult feelings.’ We must dive in and embrace the whole of ourselves, the light and the dark, the joy and the despair, the magnificence and the horror.

Only then can we say we have truly lived.

For wisdom and great depth are the jewels to be found at the bottom of the deepest ocean.
Swimming Pool

Social Media Addiction Faced – Detox The Only Answer

My eyes have fully opened recently to the extent of addiction in myself and society generally. Of course addiction is a problem for most societies, but usually the addiction only holds a small minority captive. This time, however, it appears to have the majority of society held by the addictive mechanism and pretty much completely unaware of.

What is it? Yup, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – It’s called Social Media only it’s not very social.

check-facebookIt’s a revolution folks, a revolution of the way we react and interact. In the last 10 years the way we do EVERYTHING has changed fundamentally, and that means we have had no real time to adjust either mentally or, more to the point, emotionally. The tsunami of social media interaction has begun to define our lives. And short of a total meltdown of the internet or a collapse of society, the tsunami has only just begun.

Statistics reveal that cell phone use and web use generally increased enormously from 2014. Check this to see what Im talking about!

Some statistics: Around 40% of the world population has an internet connection today. In 1995, it was less than 1%.
The number of internet users has increased tenfold from 1999 to 2013.
The first billion was reached in 2005. The second billion in 2010. The third billion in 2014.

facebook-addictBut the statistics are one thing. The anecdotal, visual evidence, is more distressing and alarming.

Look around at your friends, your kids, maybe even your parents, look in the malls, or on public transport, and then take a deep and honest look inside yourself and see if you are really any different from any of them. ADDICTION IS NOT ON AND OFF. It’s not a switch that is either up, meaning not addicted, or down, meaning addicted. Oh no. Addiction is all about degrees and measures. Addiction is wrapped up with necessity and habit, with social conditioning and deeply held human issues rooted in our ancestral dna, and stuff about the herd mentality and ancient tribal behaviour demanded by sheer survival.

Check whether this list includes anything you do.

Almost everyone is addicted to something, even if its just in some small way. It may be subtle, or it may be all consuming, but its there. It may not interfere with healthy functioning, but its there, and its something that pulls at us if we don’t do it habitually. It may not be that destructive to our life, well being, relationships, work and so on but there it is.


I think the sooner we recognise that addictive impulse in ourselves and where it lives, in what dark corner it hides, and, most importantly, what purpose is it serving, the more we can understand ourselves and transcend the torment of our addictions. Because the nature of addiction is unconscious and denied. And it ALWAYS serves a purpose, always it offers us the carrot of salvation from our suffering. It always offers us love. But addiction itself is a highly powerful force. Even more than the object of ones addiction is the ADDICTION. It is a mechanism, a highly powerful shadowy mechanism that thrives on darkness and fear.

Because addiction is so closely linked to our basic existential nature it is intertwined with the two base forces of love and fear.

Maybe addiction is the unconscious human answer to separation syndrome. Thats why addiction is essentially a spiritual phenomena.

The answer to addiction is waking up to the truth of who you are. The answer to all addiction is love and inner authority. To overcome addiction, as well as the physical component, one must fall in love with oneself, show up, tell the truth, see where you hide from fear and what you are afraid of, and then chose to love yourself. The answer to addiction is love and connection, but that connection is to yourself and the world.


Anything less than your full power released into the world could result in the activation of this addiction mechanism. It may protect you for a while. But it will eat you in the end. It is voracious and hungry.

So let us return to the issue in hand. The modern cultural acceptable addiction. Social media.
Head down, buried in the screen, totally distracted, emotionally dependent on ‘likes’, comments, notifications, increasing friends lists, etc etc we disappear from awareness and presence into the world of the mind through the screen and down the rabbit hole.

We check our phones at least 150 times a day, many of us, so I worked out that on average that means every 6 minutes or so. And it is increasing.

If it affects you, if you keep checking your phone, inbox, social media, even when there is no real reason, then I’m afraid you are in the modern matrix. And the matrix has you.

I know because I have been in the matrix also. I was completely convinced I was acting from real freedom and just exercising my freedoms and really enjoying all my friends and contacts and likes etc. But the truth was that the walls of my prison had changed and got smaller. They built the prison around me while I was distracted by content.

6a00d8341c3e6353ef00e551d211f38834-800wiMany of us have been led, innocently, to the pot on the stove and have been boiled, so slowly we have not noticed. These giant social media corporations hire well qualified, highly professional psychologists and marketers to investigate you and me and to work out how to get us to do what they want, willingly and blindly, as though we were free.

They know your habits, your preferences, your likes, dislikes they know how long you do something and they know what you don’t like. Between your phone stats, your Facebook analytics, google and amazon they know you better than you know yourself. You have an online profile that informs social media and they promote and market to accordingly. They feed you what you want, even if you don’t know what you want.

It is that scary. And you don’t even realise, because they have offset their activities with your rewards. Those rewards are (the illusion of) connection, being liked, importance, information, and power.

Don’t buy any of it because its not real.

I quit Facebook and Twitter very recently and I am feeling the effects of the withdrawal. Some parts of life have been rendered meaningless.  Where is the instant gratification of a new like? Where is the surfing new posts to give me some distraction? Where is the relief I get every day, relief from the truth of my own life?

Gone…Facebook shut down and Twitter deactivated. It feels powerful, detoxing and vulnerable….Do it…try it out, inquire, investigate, tell the truth.
And comment here…Its the only place you will find me..

The Matrix has you…..and at some point you have to make a decision..

Meet the World on Your Own Terms

Eventually you have to meet the world on your own terms.

You have been trained and conditioned to somehow fit in. You have been told what the terms of the game are, been told what you have to be and do in order to belong to this big human family called society. Yeah, you, and me, and everyone else, have been told we have to do this, that or the other, to find our place, our niche, and that’s just the way it is, was, and will be.

The game was rigged from the time of your arrival in this dimension and you bought the whole ticket. We all did.

And how has it worked out?

Some have been successful at it. And it has to be said some folks are very very good at playing the BIG game as I call it.
BUT many are alienated and lost, confused and miserable about it all. Many creatives, artists, outsiders, many sensitives, indigos and introverts, have not fared very well at all. And they shoulder the guilt and self negating thoughts that it is their fault. But here are my observations for those specific people who can’t fit in, don’t want to fit in, but feel somehow wrong for it.

2abd27bef63ed8a9a5c92cab5c31e727You might not be designed to fit in!

Your very alienation, even depression, and your sensitivity etc could be the very signals your own soul is sending you telling you, nudging you, reminding you, that you have to meet this world on your own terms and do your own unique thing…no matter what other people, or society at large, may think, say or do.

Now, before I go any further, I am assuming here that you are a peaceful, creative, loving, compassionate and inherently kind person. I don’t want to encourage hostile, racist, misogynist people who hate others out onto the street.

But you! You have to get out there and meet the world on your own terms.
And as you get older, the incentive to do it, the urgency to do it, the pressure (from the inside) to do it, increases. Of course so does the fear, the anxiety, and the voice inside your head says,’ NO, you have too much to lose, you don’t know what you are doing, these feelings will pass, just stay in the box and shut up.’

But you know what. The impulse to offer your gift to others, the urge, if you have it, to be of greater purpose, the burning desire within you to break out and ‘do your thing,’ whatever that thing is, it DOES NOT GO AWAY.

It might live somewhere inside, in the dark shadows of your psyche, it might make you feel tired and ill, it might even make you depressed, but it will not ever go away. And upon your time to leave this sacred existence, you will ponder it. Sorry about that.

So I implore you, beseech you, invite you, cajole you, and challenge you, be bold, be daring, be true to your inner voice, no matter how crazy. Dare to step up and step out. You owe it to your self and to the world. Don’t be duped and suppressed any longer than is necessary.

You can create the rules of your own life.
You can be the one who decides the rules of your world.
It is up to you.
The world needs you.

The Butterfly People

It is not something we contemplate often, but maybe it should be. You see, we humans, and animals, and the earth, and wired together in one great tapestry.

That is not just some spiritual verbiage, or airy fairy idea about oneness. It’s a fact. We are interconnected and interlaced and our actions affect an area outside ourselves in ways we understand and, to some extent, beyond our understanding. And our inactions have the same effect.

Do you remember hearing about the butterfly effect? It said something like, if a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the world, the effect ripples around and changes something on the other side.

Put scientifically:
“In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” Wikipedia

butterfly effectBut suppose, for one moment, that this also works when something doesn’t happen. What does this mean? What I mean here is that, suppose you are called to some service, to some action, but you hesitate and falter, full of self doubt or anxiety, and you don’t take the action you intuitively know is part of your destiny? If you are called but you do not go, what effect does it have? 

In other words, does ‘inaction,’ have an ‘uneffect?’

Of course the universe will always fill in the gaps we leave. Nature abhors a vacuum and will not let it happen, so the universe will build itself around what we do, or don’t, do.

But are we denying the world the opportunity to benefit from our ‘wing flap?’
Are you the butterfly that could flap its wings and affect something far away, for the better?
And if you might be, who are you to deny and turn away from that, because you feel anxious, or confused, or poor?

I have pondered this, and come to the conclusion there must be millions and millions of people wanting to ‘be of service’ and those millions and millions of people, together, could create such enormous change simply by their small actions, it is extraordinary. It boggles the mind to imagine the potential of millions of people flapping their wings, and not just once, but again and again.

six-degreesIt is not airy fairy. If you imagine the power of one tiny cell, you see potential, but in many ways not much more. But if you imagine the potential and power of that one cell unified and interconnected with millions, billions of other cells, you see a transformation that was inconceivable before. You see creatures, flowers, trees, human beings, animals…everything comes from that unity of one with many. The power is undeniable.

But now to the opposite effect. When we withhold our light, our gifts, our genius, our power, our very potential, from the world, for whatever reason, it has an impact, an effect. It has repercussions.

I think the world cries a little when we deny it our beauty and love.
Maybe it even dies a little.

During my years spent with a shamanic camp and teacher I learned a little about beauty and poetry. I was shown, and taught, that the gods of the invisible world feed on beauty, truth, poetry, chocolate and words of love, and things like this. My shaman teacher encouraged us to speak to the invisible world and offer it our beauty and poetry, offer it our chocolate and incense, expecting nothing in return.

I remember he would actually be angry when someone would hold back their beauty. He wasn’t understanding like we are supposed to be these days. He saw it as an insult to the invisible world, and therefore to life itself. He was angry that people were letting their own egos, their own smallness, or pride, or fear, block this beautiful dance between the world of form and formlessness.

His interpretation was that the invisible world that held all the secrets and the mystery, was what actually held the world together. It doesn’t want your ego, it wants your truth and beauty. If that means you cry and shake when you offer it, it loves that. If it means you stand naked in innocence and offer your soul or your confusion, it will love that. It is the world beyond ego. It’s just not put in modern spiritual terms. But it’s just as real and powerful. 

Service to others, serving something greater than self, is the ultimate beauty and love. You and I know that because when we see it, we cry. Those tears we cry are the world crying itself back to life.

irene-carr-quotes2So I hope you are seeing what I am trying to say here. I am trying to say that if we all become willing to flap our wings, to go beyond ourselves, to offer our beauty, things happen somewhere. It may be invisible to us. It may even be subtle. But it doesn’t matter.
I really believe our complacency, fuelled by our fear and doubt, bolstered by our feelings of powerlessness, will be the cause of our destruction and the destruction of our world, if were are not careful.

That is why it’s so important that we, the small people, who only have small wings, flap them all together, at the same time.

I feel the urgency of this. We are being called, each of us, to grow bigger and bolder, to sacrifice our questions and our fear, our confusion and our doubt. The way will be revealed as we walk the path. But each of us must make the first step consciously and voluntarily. 

Thank you for reading!


How To Serve?

From Self Serving to Self and Service.

It is becoming increasingly difficult for many of us, including me, to continue operating by the old rules, the old paradigm that is, ultimately, self serving.

Many of us never really fitted this model of being anyway, but we live in it and abide by its rules only by default, maybe because we don’t know what else to do, or maybe we are too scared of what ‘the other way’ might involve, or maybe we don’t feel we have enough resources to become service orientated…

So consequently many of us live in a kind of twilight world, sort of limbo. We watch inspiring things that others do to help other beings, animals, nature, the planet, and we may even donate some of our hard earned revenue to some causes, but you know what, for many people right now…ITS NOT ENOUGH. It doesn’t really satisfy our innate desire to do something for others that is greater than ourselves.

And so there is a discomfort, an uncomfortable itch that runs through our lives…A yearning to add our voice to global transformation, a hunger to help the plight of those who are so much less fortunate, or animals that are helpless and innocent, or a million causes worthy of attention.

I don’t know whether this resonates with you, but I feel this day in day out. I am sick of just trying to get my own needs met. I see others doing stuff and I think, ‘why am I not doing that, or doing my own unique thing?’

It’s not that your voice and action, and mine, is not invited and welcomed. The door of care, service, humanity, selfless service, is always open for one more…It’s not as if we are not at a critical moment of human evolution, and maybe earth evolution. It’s not as if our spiritual evolution is not connected to our physical evolution.

I think I’m just having an open conversation with myself here in all honesty. I can speak for no one else, I really don’t know what anyone else should be doing.
But I really feel this urgency today.

Does this speak to you? What do you feel? Am I alone in this frustration and feelings of limbo?
Please tell me. If we are truthful with each other about this, maybe there is someway we can help each other to gather ourselves and do something together or separately.
We all have skills, amazing skills, creativity, talent, communication..Each of us has so much more to give, and it’s needed. We hide our light for millions of reasons, some of them feelings that we hold about ourselves, some of them because of practical considerations. So many of us are, at least in our western terms, scraping by financially we hold the idea that we will do more ‘when we get ahead, or where we get a little more, or when we get secure.’ I think thats an ILLUSION. It’s not real. It’s now, here, where we are working with what we’ve got.

Let me know. I need help on this one because it’s just so important to me, but also so important to us. And mine or your action could directly or indirectly change someone’s life, or some creatures life, forever. I long to reach beyond myself. You?

This video appeared on my Facebook wall this morning and I cried when i watched it. Maybe it is the catalyst I need to something greater, something bigger and something that doesn’t have me at the centre…I just don’t know.

Why Your Transformation Matters So Much

Why Your Transformation Matters So Much.

We need to reach a place of such authority through our collective consciousness and awakened action that somehow (and I have no idea how) we actually render Politics and politicians redundant and inept.

While our consciousness is still in the grip of the mainstream system, politicians and manipulators, we have no power.

If we fight it, it wins. It’s like fighting your own ego, you can never win.
We feed it by fighting it. it’s an entity that thrives on fear and attention.

We all know that by now.

And yet centuries of habituation and conditioning have convinced us that we can only find freedom and choice within the system, within the prison.
It doesn’t look like that is the truth.

A man who fights for his freedom while he is prison may find some relative freedom of movement and choice, but the freedom is not his and not total. He is still in a prison, albeit a lenient one. This freedom can be denied him at any time.

So how to collapse the prison entirely and live from total freedom?

My feeling is we don’t know, but all we can do is find this place in ourselves, and through that very activity and transformation something new happens and the threads and shoots of a new way, a new paradigm, begin to form ON THEIR OWN, through natural evolutionary movement.
They are already there, and some of us feel them and see them.

We don’t have to sort out every problem of transition from the Age of Self to the Age of Selflessness, we just have to play our part and render ourselves free.

A cell doesn’t know how a body grows and works. It plays its part fully by being who it is and contributing fully of itself in its own unique way.

Thats all we have. Our own lives as they are now, here, our own consciousness, relationships, work, creativity, health, they are the things that will allow the new age to gather momentum.

Thats why, when someone talks to me of feeling powerless, useless and lost, or they say ‘what can I do?’ I say,
It begins with you. You are at the centre of it. You are not some added extra. You are primary to the change and it matters more then you could every imagine.’

Be Love and Give Love – It Is All We Really have

KaviI don’t know about you but I cannot stand it any more. Every day I’m waking up to some carnage of hate, some violation of innocence, some manipulation of truth.

And I just can’t stand it any more.

I can’t just hide out in my own little life any more. Because eventually it will come knocking on my door. And then I will be like so many others, scarred, wounded and devastated by things that didn’t really have anything to do with me.

People think of love as a soft option. I don’t.

I think fear and hate is the soft option. It’s the easiest path, particularly for the scarred and wounded, the one’s with their backs up against the wall, those who have had everything taken from them.

Love is the hardest, and most powerful option of all.

Love will take all of your fear, hate, pain and brokenness and transform it to light and awareness and clarity and right action.

But it will also destroy your ego and lay it bare on the ground. And it will render it powerless, like a parasite with no host.

To burn in love is to give up this ego tyranny willingly.

And that is the job of the new human. That is the task each of us has. Those of us who see a new possibility, who embrace a different path, simply have to walk willingly into the fire and burn everything that is not love.

This love is not a sweet sort of love. 

It’s a fire. It’s ferocious love of right action.
It’s the kind of love that says ‘ NO MORE!’

It is the kind of love a mother has for her baby, that she would protect and care for that child with her life.

We see with our eyes the tyranny of the ego. We see with our eyes what hate and violence does. We see what corruption and war does. We see with our eyes what lies and fear do.

But we have yet to really see a mass movement of love that demands power and authority. The 60’s was a hint of this, and it was shut down, and fuelled by drugs.

The next one will be fuelled by conscious awareness and right action.

We are not trying to escape reality we are trying to create a better reality not driven by tyrannous ego.

There is no other choice. It’s you and me. It is you and me, now, today, tomorrow.

It is the only power we really have. But it is a vast power that has not ever been tapped and unleashed. Collective love.



That Monday Blog – C’mon Baby Light Your Fire.

monday-morningDo you get that Monday feeling? I really wonder how many people do?
I even think that people who work for themselves and are actually not even affected by the Monday – Friday work thing, they get it as well. I think it’s so etched into our cultural collective experience that we feel it, regardless of whether it’s actually us who feels it! I believe it’s such a thick, pea soup kind of collective feeling that we almost can’t help but feel it..

However, I have also seen that we can learn a lot about ourselves from the feelings we don’t like. And that Monday morning feeling is one of them. I am going to be bold here and say to you, if you are having that ‘Monday morning is such a drag, another week of putting up with this shit,’ and it’s followed later in the week by the ‘Thank God it’s Friday and I’m done with that shit, gonna really enjoy my weekend,’ then there is something wrong. Sorry.

aa6224c7f3ceed835c5deafba685c702Life is short. very short. What is life about? What is YOUR LIFE ABOUT?
Sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, we really need to ask that question and answer it truthfully. It is easy to let this one slip under the weight of survivalism, conditioning, fear, and of course the demands and expectations of society. Oh God spare us from the expectations of society!
Let me tell you another thing here I have noticed in my 57 years of planetary experience. It’s fiction! Nobody gives a shit, and those who do are so scared of stepping out, they live lives of quiet desperation, trying desperately to conform to some totally fabricated values that are an illusion.

Continue reading “That Monday Blog – C’mon Baby Light Your Fire.”

Vision, Purpose and PASSION – Serving Something Greater Than Just Us

Find a Vision That Serves.
One thing that pulls you through life’s challenges, shadows and even personal traumas, is to be pulled and pushed by a vision that is bigger than just your life. Thats one thing I really have noticed is the big difference.
What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning?
Is it sheer love and joy of life?
Is it your kids?
Is it that damn alarm clock?
Is it a vision that serves other people and the world?
What’s your motivation to get up, get dressed, and do it all again, day in day out, 365 days a year, year in year out?
Really, I wish I had considered this and been asked this when I was, young, in my 20’s, or in my 30’s. I started asking the question in my 40’s and its taken me years to answer it..

If I could offer any advice from my 57 years of hard won transformation it is this:

Find a Vision thats sets your heart and mind on fire.
No matter how crazy that vision may feel or seem, no matter how unreachable, hold it and nourish and cherish it, feed it and water it, chase it and live it.
If it is real and true, if it is not just self serving but in service to others, to humanity or nature, or the world, it will grow in mysterious and miraculous ways.

And there will be struggle and challenge, and you will have to fight for it, and meet your own demons, and demons that appear before you. But you are going to meet those anyway, with or without a vision.

Continue reading “Vision, Purpose and PASSION – Serving Something Greater Than Just Us”