The Existential Void That Must Be Met

It has been a while since I posted here. But finally I think I have something worth saying. Or watching.
This video is about the pain of awakening and why it must be faced if we are to experience freedom and peace. I hope you will watch it, it is short and will only take  8 minutes of your valuable time. But if you have EVER felt existential anxiety or wondered if there is something wrong with you, watch this.

Here is some of the text:

Once you have had a glimpse of the program that dictates individual and collective behavior there is no going back and it becomes an ever deepening journey down the rabbit hole.

Everywhere you go you begin to see it in other people and feel it in yourself and it gets crazier and crazier.

And its not always easy or good. 

There is a dark and difficult side to awakening, you begin to see the shadow and the negative side of people and yourself, and where it plays out unconsciously, where it ends up when you see yourself and other people.

It hurts, it hurts, because you see how unconscious so much of all this is, how patterned it is, how created and unconscious people are, and how unconscious you are. 

And you begin to realize that you’ve been asleep all the time from being an infant when there may have been some awakeness with no awareness, and now you start to see that your belief system and thoughts that you thought were yours, that you didn’t question in any way were all programmed into you. 

It hurts, it really hurts, and sometimes it may bring up panic because your world feels like it’s falling apart.

You become ‘an outsider, and what used to work no longer works. And all you feel is discomfort. Thats when you just keep going.

And you might become plunged into an existential black hole, wondering what has any meaning, and what is real and not real?

And that’s the job and the task, to dive into that hole willingly because one sees that there might be something in that hole that is so frightening. there might be something on the other side.

There might be some freedom in diving through.

And it’s up to you, and me, to find out for ourselves what it is. 

No one can tell you, you have to find it for yourself. None of the spiritual teachers or gurus or guides or artists or visionaries or shamans or sages. No one. They can point to it and tell you  about how it is on the other side, but it’s your hole, made for you by divine intelligence, and it your journey to go through it, or not, and see what happens.

The void is there for each of us. Keep going, keep on going and explore. Be bold and be brave and push on through to the other side. 

This is the time to become the adventurer you really are, to become the pioneer and explorer. Only this time the explorer turns inwards.

An Existential Crisis Is A Gift

The truth is that if you had not already had an existential crisis or two in your life by now, you are either very young, in denial, or missing something. Maybe you HAVE had such a crisis but you have never identified it as such, or you have been afraid it will crush you, or you have never been shown the teaching and wisdom to be gained by embracing it.

Maybe you have never had a powerful CONTEXT for such an experience.

Because, in my observations and inquiries, I would say almost everyone has had at least one moment where they have been thunderstruck by the enormity of the universe, or overwhelmed by the sheer mystery of life, or been utterly disillusioned by existence itself in the face of death and suffering.

It doesn’t have to be all spiritual to be real, deep and painful.

Life is utterly bewildering. Awareness, the fact that we can think and be aware of thinking, is itself an exquisite miracle. The magnificence of manifestation as a personality who can effectively (mostly!) communicate with other beings, who can create things and who has self awareness is maddeningly amazing. 

But the counterpart to that, the shadow of that, the dark side of that, is the wondering what on earth it all means, and what happens to us on either side of life?

As you move through this linear experience of life and ‘get older’ you begin to see how short our time here is. It is over in a flash. And as the years roll by there are times when life itself is perplexing, when the point of it is mysterious, when deep existential and spiritual questions demand answers. Or acceptance in the face of ‘no answers.

But we must look. You and I who are devoted to life’s truth and death must ask these deepest of questions, even if they mean we must face despair and disillusionment. We must not turn away from the dark side, from the shadow, from ‘difficult feelings.’ We must dive in and embrace the whole of ourselves, the light and the dark, the joy and the despair, the magnificence and the horror.

Only then can we say we have truly lived.

For wisdom and great depth are the jewels to be found at the bottom of the deepest ocean.
Swimming Pool

One mind…..7 billion variations

The Problem, as my old Chinese Doctor said, is your MIND
So my beloved has fled to Stockholm to do Satsang for the weekend and I am here in this mess, with a still wracked body and now just pulled a muscle or twitched a nerve in my shoulder.
Not particularly inspired by anything…BUT wait a minute!
Aren’t we making the move of our lives in just two weeks time!=?
(We are going to the US for a while)
Why am I not super duper excited?
Because I no longer seem to get super duper excited.

Life offers things, they arrive, they disappear, and it is an endless cycle of appearance and disappearance.

It’s been a heck of a year and has beaten me in many ways…and that beating has actually softened me so much I am like dough that wont shape to bread.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, far from it. I’m actually somewhat ecstatic in a still kind of way. But not excited.

I became weary of mind.

That’s what actually has happened this year. Weary of the stories, the fears, the games, the excuses, the projections, did I say the fears? The endlessness of mind chatter until we croak.

And I got utterly bored because this year I got to see it in full display, freaking me out, warning about this and that, constantly updating me on the latest threat to me, humanity, anything…We don’t need terrorism when we have our own unscrutinised minds…

And it didn’t help at all..It only brought suffering, body problems and exhaustion.
And I saw that my mind is your mind, is everyone’s mind. Mind is non specific, non personal.

Our personal experiences make it seem unique, but thats an error of perception.
There is only one mind with 7 billion variations. On and on and on it goes, ‘protect and survive, threat and attack…must be careful…danger, danger,
danger…judgement…projection…righteousness….’ yada yada yada chatters the mind..

And I got bored listening, to myself and others. That getting bored and seeing the endlessness of the chatter was the greatest blessing. It meant I stopped listening.
And when I get drawn to listen and take it seriously, I am hauled back into the Matrix world of personal suffering…and ooh! I quickly remember and run out of the prison…

I don’t buy it…I’m done with the mind…Great tool, unfathomable talent and skill, astonishing servant of something greater…But believe all it says at your peril…It will lock you up, throw away the key, and tell you it’s for your own good…And you might believe it..
I feel better already.

Accept It and Let it Kill You. You Won’t Die.

Accept it, friend, accept it.
Don’t push it away any more.
Let it in, let it in deep,
Allow it to kill you,
To crucify you.
The crucifixion was about surrendering
The self to God.
At first there is terrible struggle
And sense of abandonment
But at some point there is release
And that is the moment of freedom.
Think of the crucifixion as a metaphor,
Not a real event
And you will understand
That total acceptance 
And surrendering absolutely everything
Is liberation itself.
It’s not easy. It’s like death.
Thats why it’s the symbol of crucifixion.
And the really bad news, at least for the writer,
Is that you have to do it over and over again,
Because the self is tenacious and hell bent on survival
And is very opposed to the idea of crucifixion.

But in this great acceptance there is something more magnificent
Than anything that can be offered by this illusory world.

Religion and Nature

Truth Will take Everything, Thats What It’s For – The Awakening Fire

The thing about ‘waking up’ and stepping onto this new path is that its going to shake up a lot of your life.

It is the best and greatest gift you could ever give yourself, but you may lose a lot of the old stuff along the way.
shutterstock_62013424Because most people are so invested in that reality and all it offers that they don’t understand why you could possibly question it or decide to change.
But you have to understand they are afraid of what you are doing, they are afraid of you ‘rocking the boat,’ or stepping out from the herd. We act in groups, and we like to hide in groups.
Out of 100 people how many really want to challenge everything they have believed in and are prepared to make life changing decisions, difficult decisions, based on what they discover? One? Zero?

Of course people say they want it, but they don’t want to risk everything to have it. So they hover in limbo between the waking and the non-waking state, kind of half awake half asleep, like that state just before you have to get up, but you don’t really want to, a kind of reluctant wakingupness.
Many of them have perceived a demand for a great sacrifice. They are aware that they will have to sacrifice something, and in thinking they know what they will have to sacrifice, they hesitate and draw back from the fire.
These are the ‘Have the Cake and Eat it Too,’ people. They really do want to awaken and transform, but they want it to be painless, and they want to keep the bits they like or are very attached to.
sacred-fireWhen the path of awakening is governed by fear of what you might lose, and reluctance to lose it, it’s not going to happen. Fear as a guide for choice is the off switch of awakening.

So if you are a person who is driven by the fire of awakening, and it just won’t go out no matter what, you may find yourself alone at some point. You could still be with a partner but you are going to find yourself alone.

Continue reading “Truth Will take Everything, Thats What It’s For – The Awakening Fire”

The Spirituality of Photography – Bringing New Insight

The Spirituality of Photography.The Spirituality of Photography.

I don’t know whether its talked about, or even thought about much, but the first thing I am noticing about having a decent camera that allows me to zoom in and out is how it is changing my perspective and awareness. It’s not about the photography it’s about the vision, the nature of seeing itself. It is about how we see things, not just what we see.

Seeing things with fresh eyes. The world itself becomes a dynamic and deeply Pool at Dawn interesting place. Take these pictures from this morning. I went to the communal open air swimming pool here in Costa Rica at 4.30am. It was dark, the stars were out and there was no one around.
I took my camera just in case I saw something, but what I wanted to take pictures of was the awesome night sky and the stars. I saw yet another shooting star, and gazed in wonder at the vastness and mystery of the universe. Breathtaking.
But then I saw the shallow part of the pool, and got the camera with the flash. I don’t usually like using flash but without
it I could get any exposure, and I’m not professional enough to know how to get a longer exposure so I just had a look with the flash, took a couple of pics and suddenly boom! I got really interested in the shapes and how the square of the mosaic tiles became fluid when the water sits on top. It changes their appearance totally, and the colours and reflections begin to take on a luminescence. Quite amazing.

Continue reading “The Spirituality of Photography – Bringing New Insight”

What Outside World? Is It Real or Not Real.

Are you sick of all this endless fighting and screaming, terrorizing, racism, lies and manipulation?

I have to confess I am utterly bewildered by it. I am so sick of it all. It’s making us so very tired, and that tiredness is making us so sick. And the only people I see who appear unaffected by it all look as though they escape by ignoring it completely. But I just don’t know whether thats true.

You see I, probably like you, just don’t know what is true anymore.

I, like many people, don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s a crisis of trust, faith and belief. A crisis that is playing out in each of us.

I have just spent the weekend at one of Amoda’s Satsang meetings here in Sausalito, California. This subject matter is exactly what people, many people, are struggling with. It’s coming into everyone’s lives. And it is one of the most persistent questions asked in spiritual gatherings.

Continue reading “What Outside World? Is It Real or Not Real.”

Inquire Within – Coaching for Awakeness

shutterstock_62013424Awakening has crept up on me. It has been a gradual embodiment, but has now become an undeniable truth of my experience.

No shocking, awe inspiring, cosmic revelations. No one moment to define a ‘before’ and ‘after.’

Just this gradual cellular embodiment of something authentic and clear seeing.

I don’t even like to describe it as ‘spiritual awakening.’ I’m dissatisfied on the whole with the spiritual scene and do not seek to identify myself with it, certainly not as a teacher.

But I do want to assist others in removing the veils that cover their eyes and heart. I do want to help those seeking something real to get to clarity as soon as possible.

Continue reading “Inquire Within – Coaching for Awakeness”