The Existential Void That Must Be Met

It has been a while since I posted here. But finally I think I have something worth saying. Or watching.
This video is about the pain of awakening and why it must be faced if we are to experience freedom and peace. I hope you will watch it, it is short and will only take  8 minutes of your valuable time. But if you have EVER felt existential anxiety or wondered if there is something wrong with you, watch this.

Here is some of the text:

Once you have had a glimpse of the program that dictates individual and collective behavior there is no going back and it becomes an ever deepening journey down the rabbit hole.

Everywhere you go you begin to see it in other people and feel it in yourself and it gets crazier and crazier.

And its not always easy or good. 

There is a dark and difficult side to awakening, you begin to see the shadow and the negative side of people and yourself, and where it plays out unconsciously, where it ends up when you see yourself and other people.

It hurts, it hurts, because you see how unconscious so much of all this is, how patterned it is, how created and unconscious people are, and how unconscious you are. 

And you begin to realize that you’ve been asleep all the time from being an infant when there may have been some awakeness with no awareness, and now you start to see that your belief system and thoughts that you thought were yours, that you didn’t question in any way were all programmed into you. 

It hurts, it really hurts, and sometimes it may bring up panic because your world feels like it’s falling apart.

You become ‘an outsider, and what used to work no longer works. And all you feel is discomfort. Thats when you just keep going.

And you might become plunged into an existential black hole, wondering what has any meaning, and what is real and not real?

And that’s the job and the task, to dive into that hole willingly because one sees that there might be something in that hole that is so frightening. there might be something on the other side.

There might be some freedom in diving through.

And it’s up to you, and me, to find out for ourselves what it is. 

No one can tell you, you have to find it for yourself. None of the spiritual teachers or gurus or guides or artists or visionaries or shamans or sages. No one. They can point to it and tell you  about how it is on the other side, but it’s your hole, made for you by divine intelligence, and it your journey to go through it, or not, and see what happens.

The void is there for each of us. Keep going, keep on going and explore. Be bold and be brave and push on through to the other side. 

This is the time to become the adventurer you really are, to become the pioneer and explorer. Only this time the explorer turns inwards.

An Existential Crisis Is A Gift

The truth is that if you had not already had an existential crisis or two in your life by now, you are either very young, in denial, or missing something. Maybe you HAVE had such a crisis but you have never identified it as such, or you have been afraid it will crush you, or you have never been shown the teaching and wisdom to be gained by embracing it.

Maybe you have never had a powerful CONTEXT for such an experience.

Because, in my observations and inquiries, I would say almost everyone has had at least one moment where they have been thunderstruck by the enormity of the universe, or overwhelmed by the sheer mystery of life, or been utterly disillusioned by existence itself in the face of death and suffering.

It doesn’t have to be all spiritual to be real, deep and painful.

Life is utterly bewildering. Awareness, the fact that we can think and be aware of thinking, is itself an exquisite miracle. The magnificence of manifestation as a personality who can effectively (mostly!) communicate with other beings, who can create things and who has self awareness is maddeningly amazing. 

But the counterpart to that, the shadow of that, the dark side of that, is the wondering what on earth it all means, and what happens to us on either side of life?

As you move through this linear experience of life and ‘get older’ you begin to see how short our time here is. It is over in a flash. And as the years roll by there are times when life itself is perplexing, when the point of it is mysterious, when deep existential and spiritual questions demand answers. Or acceptance in the face of ‘no answers.

But we must look. You and I who are devoted to life’s truth and death must ask these deepest of questions, even if they mean we must face despair and disillusionment. We must not turn away from the dark side, from the shadow, from ‘difficult feelings.’ We must dive in and embrace the whole of ourselves, the light and the dark, the joy and the despair, the magnificence and the horror.

Only then can we say we have truly lived.

For wisdom and great depth are the jewels to be found at the bottom of the deepest ocean.
Swimming Pool

Free Your Mind And Your Life Will Follow

It doesn’t matter how you do it. It could be through silent meditation, through cathartic releasing of body armouring, it could be through a near death experience or just grace. It could be through psychedelics or plant medicine. It could be through spending time outside the system, finding a wild shamanic group that offers a path to ‘the old ways,’ through story telling and ceremonies.

It doesn’t matter how it happens but it does matter that it happens.

What is it?

Freeing your mind.

I can honestly count the number of people I have met on my travels who appear to have achieved this great accolade, on the fingers of one hand. I’m not even sure, much of the time, whether I am one of them. But I see the goal, I can see how it looks and I make it my every day intention.

To me it is the only thing that matters.

The whole purpose of incarnating is to find out who, or what, is incarnating.
The entire purpose of this exercise called ‘life’ is to see if it is possible to retain, or discover, the pristine seeing of conscious awareness while in a body/mind system that is a ‘perceiving machine.’
Perception and belief is so convincing that it would have us believe it is all there is. The deception is incredibly convincing, so much so that it has the majority of people in its grasp.

I know to most people its not important. But to me a world lived from this kind of freedom is beautiful and remarkable, in many ways.
It somehow seems to ‘re-engineeer‘ us and we become as new beings. It creates a wholeness, a depth, a natural wisdom and an inconceivable ability to see inside both the individual human and the society at large. It makes us more intelligent, intuitive, compassionate, caring and authentic. We act from this integrity and it has a profound impact on our life and the lives of everyone we touch.

Or, as Morpheus says in The Matrix, You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.’

Free your mind and your life will follow a new path.

Thanks for reading!

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Social Media Addiction Faced – Detox The Only Answer

My eyes have fully opened recently to the extent of addiction in myself and society generally. Of course addiction is a problem for most societies, but usually the addiction only holds a small minority captive. This time, however, it appears to have the majority of society held by the addictive mechanism and pretty much completely unaware of.

What is it? Yup, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – It’s called Social Media only it’s not very social.

check-facebookIt’s a revolution folks, a revolution of the way we react and interact. In the last 10 years the way we do EVERYTHING has changed fundamentally, and that means we have had no real time to adjust either mentally or, more to the point, emotionally. The tsunami of social media interaction has begun to define our lives. And short of a total meltdown of the internet or a collapse of society, the tsunami has only just begun.

Statistics reveal that cell phone use and web use generally increased enormously from 2014. Check this to see what Im talking about!
http://www.internetlivestats.com/watch/internet-users/

Some statistics: Around 40% of the world population has an internet connection today. In 1995, it was less than 1%.
The number of internet users has increased tenfold from 1999 to 2013.
The first billion was reached in 2005. The second billion in 2010. The third billion in 2014.

facebook-addictBut the statistics are one thing. The anecdotal, visual evidence, is more distressing and alarming.

Look around at your friends, your kids, maybe even your parents, look in the malls, or on public transport, and then take a deep and honest look inside yourself and see if you are really any different from any of them. ADDICTION IS NOT ON AND OFF. It’s not a switch that is either up, meaning not addicted, or down, meaning addicted. Oh no. Addiction is all about degrees and measures. Addiction is wrapped up with necessity and habit, with social conditioning and deeply held human issues rooted in our ancestral dna, and stuff about the herd mentality and ancient tribal behaviour demanded by sheer survival.

Check whether this list includes anything you do.
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/facebook-addiction-signs/

Almost everyone is addicted to something, even if its just in some small way. It may be subtle, or it may be all consuming, but its there. It may not interfere with healthy functioning, but its there, and its something that pulls at us if we don’t do it habitually. It may not be that destructive to our life, well being, relationships, work and so on but there it is.

WISDOM AND ADDICTION ARE LIKE OIL AND WATER.

I think the sooner we recognise that addictive impulse in ourselves and where it lives, in what dark corner it hides, and, most importantly, what purpose is it serving, the more we can understand ourselves and transcend the torment of our addictions. Because the nature of addiction is unconscious and denied. And it ALWAYS serves a purpose, always it offers us the carrot of salvation from our suffering. It always offers us love. But addiction itself is a highly powerful force. Even more than the object of ones addiction is the ADDICTION. It is a mechanism, a highly powerful shadowy mechanism that thrives on darkness and fear.

Because addiction is so closely linked to our basic existential nature it is intertwined with the two base forces of love and fear.

Maybe addiction is the unconscious human answer to separation syndrome. Thats why addiction is essentially a spiritual phenomena.

The answer to addiction is waking up to the truth of who you are. The answer to all addiction is love and inner authority. To overcome addiction, as well as the physical component, one must fall in love with oneself, show up, tell the truth, see where you hide from fear and what you are afraid of, and then chose to love yourself. The answer to addiction is love and connection, but that connection is to yourself and the world.

POWER.

Anything less than your full power released into the world could result in the activation of this addiction mechanism. It may protect you for a while. But it will eat you in the end. It is voracious and hungry.

So let us return to the issue in hand. The modern cultural acceptable addiction. Social media.
Head down, buried in the screen, totally distracted, emotionally dependent on ‘likes’, comments, notifications, increasing friends lists, etc etc we disappear from awareness and presence into the world of the mind through the screen and down the rabbit hole.

We check our phones at least 150 times a day, many of us, so I worked out that on average that means every 6 minutes or so. And it is increasing.

If it affects you, if you keep checking your phone, inbox, social media, even when there is no real reason, then I’m afraid you are in the modern matrix. And the matrix has you.

I know because I have been in the matrix also. I was completely convinced I was acting from real freedom and just exercising my freedoms and really enjoying all my friends and contacts and likes etc. But the truth was that the walls of my prison had changed and got smaller. They built the prison around me while I was distracted by content.

BOILING THE FROG.
6a00d8341c3e6353ef00e551d211f38834-800wiMany of us have been led, innocently, to the pot on the stove and have been boiled, so slowly we have not noticed. These giant social media corporations hire well qualified, highly professional psychologists and marketers to investigate you and me and to work out how to get us to do what they want, willingly and blindly, as though we were free.

They know your habits, your preferences, your likes, dislikes they know how long you do something and they know what you don’t like. Between your phone stats, your Facebook analytics, google and amazon they know you better than you know yourself. You have an online profile that informs social media and they promote and market to accordingly. They feed you what you want, even if you don’t know what you want.

It is that scary. And you don’t even realise, because they have offset their activities with your rewards. Those rewards are (the illusion of) connection, being liked, importance, information, and power.

Don’t buy any of it because its not real.

I quit Facebook and Twitter very recently and I am feeling the effects of the withdrawal. Some parts of life have been rendered meaningless.  Where is the instant gratification of a new like? Where is the surfing new posts to give me some distraction? Where is the relief I get every day, relief from the truth of my own life?

Gone…Facebook shut down and Twitter deactivated. It feels powerful, detoxing and vulnerable….Do it…try it out, inquire, investigate, tell the truth.
And comment here…Its the only place you will find me..

The Matrix has you…..and at some point you have to make a decision..
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Meet yourself with Tender Bravery

married-wrong-personNo one wants to be wrong, or to feel wrong. That means we develop strategies to avoid this apparently nasty feeling. These strategies range from avoiding situations that may provoke that feeling, being a pleaser, denial, or on the opposite end, righteousness, stubbornness and rage.
Feeling wrong is something most people want to avoid at all costs. It’s such an undermining feeling, it’s like a big black hole that human beings desperately try and keep clear of for fear of being caught in its vortex.

And of course, given that set of rules and hidden codes, if you ever do feel wrong, it is a calamity to self. It can result in all sorts of dreadful experiences and actions.

Feeling wrong is toxic, no doubt about it. It is the toxic road that leads to shame, guilt, self blame, depression, anxiety, addiction and suicide.
That is when feeling wrong is still imbued with unconsciousness and the weight of one’s personal story.
BUT!!!

Choosing to CONSCIOUSLY open the door to this ‘feeling wrong’ and all it represents, all it stands for, all the power it seems to hold, can be the greatest liberation from the conditioned self.

It can be the gateway that opens the door out of the matrix.
It seriously can, upon authentic inquiry, reveal the nature of what is true and what is false.

a figure wearing a halloween ghost costume
a figure wearing a halloween ghost costume

The Ghost in the Machine.

And when truth and falsehood are seen, the game of ‘feeling wrong’ is revealed as a phony ghost.
It seemed real but it was just a white sheet being waved around.

So when I have clients that have any issue to do with self worth, feeling wrong, or avoiding their own depths, we explore all this and meet it face to face, like adventurers.
When you meet yourself with tender bravery, your false face, your defensiveness, your mask of protection, dissolves under the authenticity of this self loving action. It has to.

So don’t think that feeling wrong is so bad. Just decide to reframe it and meet it consciously from now on.

One mind…..7 billion variations

The Problem, as my old Chinese Doctor said, is your MIND
So my beloved has fled to Stockholm to do Satsang for the weekend and I am here in this mess, with a still wracked body and now just pulled a muscle or twitched a nerve in my shoulder.
Not particularly inspired by anything…BUT wait a minute!
Aren’t we making the move of our lives in just two weeks time!=?
(We are going to the US for a while)
Yup.
Why am I not super duper excited?
Because I no longer seem to get super duper excited.

Life offers things, they arrive, they disappear, and it is an endless cycle of appearance and disappearance.

It’s been a heck of a year and has beaten me in many ways…and that beating has actually softened me so much I am like dough that wont shape to bread.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, far from it. I’m actually somewhat ecstatic in a still kind of way. But not excited.

I became weary of mind.

That’s what actually has happened this year. Weary of the stories, the fears, the games, the excuses, the projections, did I say the fears? The endlessness of mind chatter until we croak.

And I got utterly bored because this year I got to see it in full display, freaking me out, warning about this and that, constantly updating me on the latest threat to me, humanity, anything…We don’t need terrorism when we have our own unscrutinised minds…

And it didn’t help at all..It only brought suffering, body problems and exhaustion.
And I saw that my mind is your mind, is everyone’s mind. Mind is non specific, non personal.

Our personal experiences make it seem unique, but thats an error of perception.
There is only one mind with 7 billion variations. On and on and on it goes, ‘protect and survive, threat and attack…must be careful…danger, danger,
danger…judgement…projection…righteousness….’ yada yada yada chatters the mind..

And I got bored listening, to myself and others. That getting bored and seeing the endlessness of the chatter was the greatest blessing. It meant I stopped listening.
And when I get drawn to listen and take it seriously, I am hauled back into the Matrix world of personal suffering…and ooh! I quickly remember and run out of the prison…

I don’t buy it…I’m done with the mind…Great tool, unfathomable talent and skill, astonishing servant of something greater…But believe all it says at your peril…It will lock you up, throw away the key, and tell you it’s for your own good…And you might believe it..
I feel better already.
buddha

The Butterfly People

It is not something we contemplate often, but maybe it should be. You see, we humans, and animals, and the earth, and wired together in one great tapestry.

That is not just some spiritual verbiage, or airy fairy idea about oneness. It’s a fact. We are interconnected and interlaced and our actions affect an area outside ourselves in ways we understand and, to some extent, beyond our understanding. And our inactions have the same effect.

Do you remember hearing about the butterfly effect? It said something like, if a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the world, the effect ripples around and changes something on the other side.

Put scientifically:
“In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” Wikipedia

butterfly effectBut suppose, for one moment, that this also works when something doesn’t happen. What does this mean? What I mean here is that, suppose you are called to some service, to some action, but you hesitate and falter, full of self doubt or anxiety, and you don’t take the action you intuitively know is part of your destiny? If you are called but you do not go, what effect does it have? 

In other words, does ‘inaction,’ have an ‘uneffect?’

Of course the universe will always fill in the gaps we leave. Nature abhors a vacuum and will not let it happen, so the universe will build itself around what we do, or don’t, do.

But are we denying the world the opportunity to benefit from our ‘wing flap?’
Are you the butterfly that could flap its wings and affect something far away, for the better?
And if you might be, who are you to deny and turn away from that, because you feel anxious, or confused, or poor?

I have pondered this, and come to the conclusion there must be millions and millions of people wanting to ‘be of service’ and those millions and millions of people, together, could create such enormous change simply by their small actions, it is extraordinary. It boggles the mind to imagine the potential of millions of people flapping their wings, and not just once, but again and again.

six-degreesIt is not airy fairy. If you imagine the power of one tiny cell, you see potential, but in many ways not much more. But if you imagine the potential and power of that one cell unified and interconnected with millions, billions of other cells, you see a transformation that was inconceivable before. You see creatures, flowers, trees, human beings, animals…everything comes from that unity of one with many. The power is undeniable.

But now to the opposite effect. When we withhold our light, our gifts, our genius, our power, our very potential, from the world, for whatever reason, it has an impact, an effect. It has repercussions.

I think the world cries a little when we deny it our beauty and love.
Maybe it even dies a little.

During my years spent with a shamanic camp and teacher I learned a little about beauty and poetry. I was shown, and taught, that the gods of the invisible world feed on beauty, truth, poetry, chocolate and words of love, and things like this. My shaman teacher encouraged us to speak to the invisible world and offer it our beauty and poetry, offer it our chocolate and incense, expecting nothing in return.

I remember he would actually be angry when someone would hold back their beauty. He wasn’t understanding like we are supposed to be these days. He saw it as an insult to the invisible world, and therefore to life itself. He was angry that people were letting their own egos, their own smallness, or pride, or fear, block this beautiful dance between the world of form and formlessness.

His interpretation was that the invisible world that held all the secrets and the mystery, was what actually held the world together. It doesn’t want your ego, it wants your truth and beauty. If that means you cry and shake when you offer it, it loves that. If it means you stand naked in innocence and offer your soul or your confusion, it will love that. It is the world beyond ego. It’s just not put in modern spiritual terms. But it’s just as real and powerful. 

Service to others, serving something greater than self, is the ultimate beauty and love. You and I know that because when we see it, we cry. Those tears we cry are the world crying itself back to life.

irene-carr-quotes2So I hope you are seeing what I am trying to say here. I am trying to say that if we all become willing to flap our wings, to go beyond ourselves, to offer our beauty, things happen somewhere. It may be invisible to us. It may even be subtle. But it doesn’t matter.
I really believe our complacency, fuelled by our fear and doubt, bolstered by our feelings of powerlessness, will be the cause of our destruction and the destruction of our world, if were are not careful.

That is why it’s so important that we, the small people, who only have small wings, flap them all together, at the same time.

I feel the urgency of this. We are being called, each of us, to grow bigger and bolder, to sacrifice our questions and our fear, our confusion and our doubt. The way will be revealed as we walk the path. But each of us must make the first step consciously and voluntarily. 

Thank you for reading!

 

Why Your Transformation Matters So Much

Why Your Transformation Matters So Much.

We need to reach a place of such authority through our collective consciousness and awakened action that somehow (and I have no idea how) we actually render Politics and politicians redundant and inept.

While our consciousness is still in the grip of the mainstream system, politicians and manipulators, we have no power.

If we fight it, it wins. It’s like fighting your own ego, you can never win.
We feed it by fighting it. it’s an entity that thrives on fear and attention.

We all know that by now.

And yet centuries of habituation and conditioning have convinced us that we can only find freedom and choice within the system, within the prison.
It doesn’t look like that is the truth.

A man who fights for his freedom while he is prison may find some relative freedom of movement and choice, but the freedom is not his and not total. He is still in a prison, albeit a lenient one. This freedom can be denied him at any time.

So how to collapse the prison entirely and live from total freedom?

My feeling is we don’t know, but all we can do is find this place in ourselves, and through that very activity and transformation something new happens and the threads and shoots of a new way, a new paradigm, begin to form ON THEIR OWN, through natural evolutionary movement.
They are already there, and some of us feel them and see them.

We don’t have to sort out every problem of transition from the Age of Self to the Age of Selflessness, we just have to play our part and render ourselves free.

A cell doesn’t know how a body grows and works. It plays its part fully by being who it is and contributing fully of itself in its own unique way.

Thats all we have. Our own lives as they are now, here, our own consciousness, relationships, work, creativity, health, they are the things that will allow the new age to gather momentum.

Thats why, when someone talks to me of feeling powerless, useless and lost, or they say ‘what can I do?’ I say,
It begins with you. You are at the centre of it. You are not some added extra. You are primary to the change and it matters more then you could every imagine.’
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The Terror Meme That Keeps Us Imprisoned – And How to Collapse It

THE VEIL OF ILLUSION IS THIN.
It is thinner than ever, and fragmenting with an ever increasing momentum.
At times terrifying, bewildering, confusing and enraging, it is part of a necessary disintegration of the false.
As the personal spiritual journey of enlightenment necessitates the disintegration of the illusory self, so the global journey of collective enlightenment demands the same.
It brings the same fears for survival, the same trepidation about the future, and all the ‘what ifs and buts’ that the personal journey involves.
Great!
Ride the Great Wave of Collective Enlightenment.
The veil is hopelessly thin, don’t buy the fear, it’s not real.

The personal journey of enlightened liberation can be quite terrifying. It threatens the small self and everything it stands for and holds onto. It threatens annihilation and will do anything it can to prevent it. That means anything, particularly bring about the fear that blocks it’s own destruction. This fear may manifest as thoughts and beliefs, convincing but deluded. As long as you stop the resolute pursuit of enlightenment it really doesn’t matter.
And even when you decide you are not going to take any notice of fear and and trepidation, there is no guarantee it will happen.
Thats down to grace.
But doing it anyway keeps the door of possibility open.

The global journey of collective enlightenment is going to be terrifying because its going to seem even more out of our control.
Human beings are all about control. We want control, we need control, over something. It’s hard enough when we feel we don’t have control over our own lives.
But when its collective, national, global, then its unspeakably insane in its terror.

The Terror Meme.

Its no wonder we call what is happening ‘terrorism.’ It is the perfect word to keep us all in ‘lock down.’
Terror is almost the hardest feeling to break through. It blocks almost every possibility of love, connectivity, sharing, and love.
Terror is felt in the blood and the bones. It is the height of panic. It is the most isolating feeling there is.
Terror is dense, like treacle. Terror is the prison that keeps us paralysed and in panic consciousness.

Consider this. Terror is the violent meme our modern world has. To my knowledge, it is a word that has only really come into existence since 2001, since that fateful day 9/11. Since then this dreadful word, and all it symbolises and suggests, has been used over and over and over until now it is part of everyday consciousness. If words have power, and we know they do, them this one word has enormous power.
Just for one moment, consider that there was a power that wanted to maintain its control of people. And they saw that collective enlightenment would mean an end to that control. They would do anything possible to prevent this. And they found the most effective way to lock humanity into fear, survival consciousness and separation. And they introduced ‘terror’ and affirmed it as often as necessary to imprint it on public consciousness.
Do you think they would use it?

Unknown-2Now I am not one for global conspiracy, well maybe a bit, but when I really looked into this word, and I explored just how serious it is to a human being, how it brings these feelings of powerlessness and panic, I was actually shocked, as I am now.
Terror is the prison in which modern men and women are caged.
Terror works like a demonic spell cast over its victim. It renders the terrorised inert and incapable of love. It takes everything away, it destroys compassion and gratitude and awareness.
When terror courses through your body it is a visceral experience. It is the height of ‘the fight or flight’ mechanism, but beyond it. We are frozen with terror.
It is the perfect weapon.

Now whether you see this meme as a conscious attempt to imprison humanity, or you see it as an unconscious series of events called history unfolding doesn’t really make any difference. Why?
Because we are still faced with the same questions, individually and collectively.
It is not whether conspiracy is fact or fiction, what matters is that these things are here, and need dealing with.

What are we, you and I, going to do about our enlightenment? Are we going to shrink back in terror and retreat to our prison where we sort of, kind of, feel safe-isa? And then hope everything will be alright?
Or are we going to choose to dissolve all illusions, pierce the veil of falsehood, lies and fear and consciously choose ego annihilation over and over again, until something opens forever?

You cannot be in terror and love at the same time.
You cannot be in peace and enlightenment at the same time as terror is flooding the body with adrenaline or cortisol.
It is impossible.

This terror needs to be met, like Neo from the Matrix meets the bullets fired from the three agents. All he said was ‘No,’ as he realised who and what he really was. It was an inner authority that enabled him to see the bullets as not real.
So it is with us when we are faced with such ideas as ‘terror.’
The_Matrix_Bullet_HaltThe answer is ‘No More, Enough.’

The answer is I, and we, rest as the god consciousness we truly are and we see the illusion for what it really is, an illusion built on erroneous belief in separation.
That is how we collapse the matrix.
Onwards, hold true to love and transcend fear and all ideas of terror. Flood your cells with love, gratitude and joy. It is the only way forward.

Thanks for reading! Please share.