Social Media Addiction Faced – Detox The Only Answer

My eyes have fully opened recently to the extent of addiction in myself and society generally. Of course addiction is a problem for most societies, but usually the addiction only holds a small minority captive. This time, however, it appears to have the majority of society held by the addictive mechanism and pretty much completely unaware of.

What is it? Yup, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – It’s called Social Media only it’s not very social.

check-facebookIt’s a revolution folks, a revolution of the way we react and interact. In the last 10 years the way we do EVERYTHING has changed fundamentally, and that means we have had no real time to adjust either mentally or, more to the point, emotionally. The tsunami of social media interaction has begun to define our lives. And short of a total meltdown of the internet or a collapse of society, the tsunami has only just begun.

Statistics reveal that cell phone use and web use generally increased enormously from 2014. Check this to see what Im talking about!

Some statistics: Around 40% of the world population has an internet connection today. In 1995, it was less than 1%.
The number of internet users has increased tenfold from 1999 to 2013.
The first billion was reached in 2005. The second billion in 2010. The third billion in 2014.

facebook-addictBut the statistics are one thing. The anecdotal, visual evidence, is more distressing and alarming.

Look around at your friends, your kids, maybe even your parents, look in the malls, or on public transport, and then take a deep and honest look inside yourself and see if you are really any different from any of them. ADDICTION IS NOT ON AND OFF. It’s not a switch that is either up, meaning not addicted, or down, meaning addicted. Oh no. Addiction is all about degrees and measures. Addiction is wrapped up with necessity and habit, with social conditioning and deeply held human issues rooted in our ancestral dna, and stuff about the herd mentality and ancient tribal behaviour demanded by sheer survival.

Check whether this list includes anything you do.

Almost everyone is addicted to something, even if its just in some small way. It may be subtle, or it may be all consuming, but its there. It may not interfere with healthy functioning, but its there, and its something that pulls at us if we don’t do it habitually. It may not be that destructive to our life, well being, relationships, work and so on but there it is.


I think the sooner we recognise that addictive impulse in ourselves and where it lives, in what dark corner it hides, and, most importantly, what purpose is it serving, the more we can understand ourselves and transcend the torment of our addictions. Because the nature of addiction is unconscious and denied. And it ALWAYS serves a purpose, always it offers us the carrot of salvation from our suffering. It always offers us love. But addiction itself is a highly powerful force. Even more than the object of ones addiction is the ADDICTION. It is a mechanism, a highly powerful shadowy mechanism that thrives on darkness and fear.

Because addiction is so closely linked to our basic existential nature it is intertwined with the two base forces of love and fear.

Maybe addiction is the unconscious human answer to separation syndrome. Thats why addiction is essentially a spiritual phenomena.

The answer to addiction is waking up to the truth of who you are. The answer to all addiction is love and inner authority. To overcome addiction, as well as the physical component, one must fall in love with oneself, show up, tell the truth, see where you hide from fear and what you are afraid of, and then chose to love yourself. The answer to addiction is love and connection, but that connection is to yourself and the world.


Anything less than your full power released into the world could result in the activation of this addiction mechanism. It may protect you for a while. But it will eat you in the end. It is voracious and hungry.

So let us return to the issue in hand. The modern cultural acceptable addiction. Social media.
Head down, buried in the screen, totally distracted, emotionally dependent on ‘likes’, comments, notifications, increasing friends lists, etc etc we disappear from awareness and presence into the world of the mind through the screen and down the rabbit hole.

We check our phones at least 150 times a day, many of us, so I worked out that on average that means every 6 minutes or so. And it is increasing.

If it affects you, if you keep checking your phone, inbox, social media, even when there is no real reason, then I’m afraid you are in the modern matrix. And the matrix has you.

I know because I have been in the matrix also. I was completely convinced I was acting from real freedom and just exercising my freedoms and really enjoying all my friends and contacts and likes etc. But the truth was that the walls of my prison had changed and got smaller. They built the prison around me while I was distracted by content.

6a00d8341c3e6353ef00e551d211f38834-800wiMany of us have been led, innocently, to the pot on the stove and have been boiled, so slowly we have not noticed. These giant social media corporations hire well qualified, highly professional psychologists and marketers to investigate you and me and to work out how to get us to do what they want, willingly and blindly, as though we were free.

They know your habits, your preferences, your likes, dislikes they know how long you do something and they know what you don’t like. Between your phone stats, your Facebook analytics, google and amazon they know you better than you know yourself. You have an online profile that informs social media and they promote and market to accordingly. They feed you what you want, even if you don’t know what you want.

It is that scary. And you don’t even realise, because they have offset their activities with your rewards. Those rewards are (the illusion of) connection, being liked, importance, information, and power.

Don’t buy any of it because its not real.

I quit Facebook and Twitter very recently and I am feeling the effects of the withdrawal. Some parts of life have been rendered meaningless.  Where is the instant gratification of a new like? Where is the surfing new posts to give me some distraction? Where is the relief I get every day, relief from the truth of my own life?

Gone…Facebook shut down and Twitter deactivated. It feels powerful, detoxing and vulnerable….Do it…try it out, inquire, investigate, tell the truth.
And comment here…Its the only place you will find me..

The Matrix has you…..and at some point you have to make a decision..

Meet yourself with Tender Bravery

married-wrong-personNo one wants to be wrong, or to feel wrong. That means we develop strategies to avoid this apparently nasty feeling. These strategies range from avoiding situations that may provoke that feeling, being a pleaser, denial, or on the opposite end, righteousness, stubbornness and rage.
Feeling wrong is something most people want to avoid at all costs. It’s such an undermining feeling, it’s like a big black hole that human beings desperately try and keep clear of for fear of being caught in its vortex.

And of course, given that set of rules and hidden codes, if you ever do feel wrong, it is a calamity to self. It can result in all sorts of dreadful experiences and actions.

Feeling wrong is toxic, no doubt about it. It is the toxic road that leads to shame, guilt, self blame, depression, anxiety, addiction and suicide.
That is when feeling wrong is still imbued with unconsciousness and the weight of one’s personal story.

Choosing to CONSCIOUSLY open the door to this ‘feeling wrong’ and all it represents, all it stands for, all the power it seems to hold, can be the greatest liberation from the conditioned self.

It can be the gateway that opens the door out of the matrix.
It seriously can, upon authentic inquiry, reveal the nature of what is true and what is false.

a figure wearing a halloween ghost costume
a figure wearing a halloween ghost costume

The Ghost in the Machine.

And when truth and falsehood are seen, the game of ‘feeling wrong’ is revealed as a phony ghost.
It seemed real but it was just a white sheet being waved around.

So when I have clients that have any issue to do with self worth, feeling wrong, or avoiding their own depths, we explore all this and meet it face to face, like adventurers.
When you meet yourself with tender bravery, your false face, your defensiveness, your mask of protection, dissolves under the authenticity of this self loving action. It has to.

So don’t think that feeling wrong is so bad. Just decide to reframe it and meet it consciously from now on.

Truth Will take Everything, Thats What It’s For – The Awakening Fire

The thing about ‘waking up’ and stepping onto this new path is that its going to shake up a lot of your life.

It is the best and greatest gift you could ever give yourself, but you may lose a lot of the old stuff along the way.
shutterstock_62013424Because most people are so invested in that reality and all it offers that they don’t understand why you could possibly question it or decide to change.
But you have to understand they are afraid of what you are doing, they are afraid of you ‘rocking the boat,’ or stepping out from the herd. We act in groups, and we like to hide in groups.
Out of 100 people how many really want to challenge everything they have believed in and are prepared to make life changing decisions, difficult decisions, based on what they discover? One? Zero?

Of course people say they want it, but they don’t want to risk everything to have it. So they hover in limbo between the waking and the non-waking state, kind of half awake half asleep, like that state just before you have to get up, but you don’t really want to, a kind of reluctant wakingupness.
Many of them have perceived a demand for a great sacrifice. They are aware that they will have to sacrifice something, and in thinking they know what they will have to sacrifice, they hesitate and draw back from the fire.
These are the ‘Have the Cake and Eat it Too,’ people. They really do want to awaken and transform, but they want it to be painless, and they want to keep the bits they like or are very attached to.
sacred-fireWhen the path of awakening is governed by fear of what you might lose, and reluctance to lose it, it’s not going to happen. Fear as a guide for choice is the off switch of awakening.

So if you are a person who is driven by the fire of awakening, and it just won’t go out no matter what, you may find yourself alone at some point. You could still be with a partner but you are going to find yourself alone.

Continue reading “Truth Will take Everything, Thats What It’s For – The Awakening Fire”

Stopping the War on Addiction – free pdf download for New Year

This is my penultimate blog of the year. In a few days I will sum up and review how the year has been for me (and maybe for us all) and I will talk a little about what to expect in 2016.

But for today, Christmas Day I offer you a free The Solution to Addiction is Wholeness pdf I have created all about addiction and how to deal with it.

Download to your computer here:
The Solution to Addiction is Wholeness.PDF

I became aware that so many people try so hard after New Year to tame the beast within, to curb some distressing addictions, and actually so many people fail in their endeavour and end up in a worse situation. So I decided to discuss this topic of addiction a little. By addiction I just mean anything from the small stuff to the big stuff that has an emotional pull, or avoidance, in it. We humans get addicted to many things, some that we are not even aware of.

Finding alternative ways to approach our addictions, and habits, helps ease them out rather than wage war on them.

You can’t fight fire with fire. We have tried waging war on many things, including cancer, drugs, and other countries. I think we can safely conclude it’s not a working strategy. Yet most of us don’t realise we so easily wage war on ourselves when there is something ‘wrong.

Continue reading “Stopping the War on Addiction – free pdf download for New Year”

Podcast interview with author of The Power Of Illness To Change Your Life

Listen to this podcast interview with author of The Power Of Illness To Change Your Life.

Kavi Jezzie Hockaday is an author, musician and coach. In his book he describes his personal 10 year journey healing major illness. This profound experience took him to every part of his being, from the physical to emotional, mental and spiritual, and had such an impact on him his life changed forever, and he was compelled to share his inspiration with others.

Specifically you will hear Kavi speak about:
*The roles of conventional and complementary medicine, 
*Illness and underlying shock and trauma,
*Illness, belief and perception,
*Healing and spiritual awakening,
*Viewing life as a grand adventure.

My Book Is Not Really About Illness, Its About Recovery – From Anything

This blog is copied from my other site at

Illness_cover_8-25-15conversionIt’s an important point to make, because I think the title of the book is actually quite deceptive.

What I have to say in the book is profound and deep. It’s challenging and demanding. It is definitely not everyone’s path. But for those who have smelled the fragrance coming from the garden of freedom, it is compelling and alluring.

My book is actually about WAKING UP.

Continue reading “My Book Is Not Really About Illness, Its About Recovery – From Anything”